Mental Health Awareness Month Day 12.
Suicidality is complicated. It almost always involves feeling agonizing pain (usually mental and emotional, but can be physical too) and acutely stuck that suicide becomes your only hope.
Just to be clear, I am NOT currently suicidal.
Sometimes people think that those who are contemplating suicide just aren’t loved or just don’t have support. While this may be the case for some, it is not the case for all. And “just aren’t loved” or “just don’t have support”? JUST?!?!? Being loved and having support are EXTREMELY IMPORTANT! Think for a moment what your life would look like if you have absolutely NOBODY who loved you and NOBODY who supported you. That would be unbearable. During my hospitalizations, I have met people that say they literally have NOBODY in their life to support them with their battle with mental illness. And the mere thought of not having ANY support makes me think I would choose suicide without having any other reasons.
That being said, I don’t think anyone who deals with suicidality has a tidy little list of why that feels like their only option. It is messy. It is complex. It is torture. It is heartbreaking. It is anguish invoking.
Personally, my suicidality has always included feeling worthless and hopeless. And I have ALWAYS had people who loved me and supported me whether they knew about my dark abyss or not. For me, in those hours of intense despair, knowing I had people in my life who loved me, wanted me alive, supported me, etc. did nothing to ease my burden. Knowing wasn’t enough. And sometimes, even when I could feel that love, that wasn’t enough either.
Because it seemed as though the ONLY remedy to all the shit I was feeling and dealing with was suicide.
That is heavy to imagine. And I wouldn’t wish suicidality on anyone. It is the worst form of misery I have ever felt. But it is real. And if you haven’t ever experienced suicidal ideation, please stop pretending like you know what it feels like. Please don’t act as if you know what would cause someone to die by suicide. And please quit speaking about suicidal thinking as though people have no right to those thoughts. Trust me, they do not want to be thinking and feeling how they do. But your inability to understand what they are going through does not invalidate their thoughts and feelings. Often, it just adds to the problem.
Next time you find yourself judging someone for being suicidal or dying by suicide, just remember you don’t have all the pieces to be able to know what led them to that point. Suicidality is complicated. #heber #suicidal #suicide #suicidality #myonlyhope #depression #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #mentalhealthinthetimeofcorona #letsbereal #31in31at31 #agamutofgrey #lifeisbeautiful #may2020 5.12.20
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