Miss Independent

Sometimes I forget that Heavenly Father didn't send us to the earth to endure the journey back to Him alone. I am not simply referring to being married. He has blessed us with family and friends. Most of all He has blessed us with His son, Jesus Christ. We cannot travel this path alone. We cannot do it with all of the help from everyone literally around us. We need the Savior and His atonement. Not just to cleanse us from sin, but to enable us with power beyond our own.

I tend to be Miss Independent. I don't need help from anyone. I can do it all by myself. While independence is great, this is not the Lord's way. We truly cannot navigate life alone. Thus why He sent us to earth in families. Thus why He gave Adam a helpmeet, Eve. It was not intended for us to fail. He intends for us to succeed and return to live with Him for eternity. Our purpose in this life is to assist Heavenly Father is His purpose, which is "to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39) That is the greatest work we can perform in this life here on earth, helping others find the gospel and live it forever that they may return with us to our Father in heaven.

Yesterday during fast and testimony meeting, a girl named Anna got up and bore her testimony. Anna said that she had promised herself that when things started to turn around for her, she would bare her testimony. A few months back a girl had called and invited her back to church, promising that things would get better if she would come back. Tears started to run down my face as she spoke. I don't remember promising Anna that. I remember believing it and wondering how on earth it would happen for her. A few days ago, I had been at a meeting with my Relief Society presidency, and her name had been brought up saying that things were working out for her, which I was so happy to find out. And yesterday, Anna testified of that same thing. She said she had only come back a few months ago, and things were looking up, and she knew the Church was true.

I wasn't going to bare my testimony yesterday because I didn't feel like I needed to or even wanted to because of things that have happened during the past week. But after that girl bore her humble testimony, I knew I had to get up. I couldn't sit there selfishly and keep what I know to myself.

There were a few testimonies in between mine and Anna's. The girl that spoke right before me shared thoughts similar to what I had wanted to say, specifically on the importance of missionary work.

Sometimes I forget that Heavenly Father didn't send us to the earth to endure the journey back to Him alone. We can't do this alone. We need each other and we need Christ. I know that He knows us individually. We are each here in this place with these people for a specific reason. It is our responsibility and great opportunity to assist Heavenly Father is His great work-"to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." I am grateful for the opportunity that I have to be a small instrument in His hands. As we reach out and open our mouths, we will be able to bless and touch the lives of others in ways we cannot comprehend. I know that the Church is true. I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet, and through Him the Church was restored. The Book of Mormon is the word of God, and as we open that book and read it, power will come into our lives. Jesus Christ is our Savior who atoned for our sins and sorrows. Through Him we will receive power to overcome sin and weakness and become as He is and one day return to live in His presence with our Heavenly Father as families.

I am so grateful for the spirit in my life, which allows me to help and bless the lives of those around me. I truly feel joy when I watch others come to know what I know and then travel the journey with me to endure to the end. Our lives can be full of miracles if we will be in tune with the spirit and reach out to others.

Sometimes Miss Independent is humbled and remembers the bigger picture. It's in those times when life is happy no matter how hard or easy it may be. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who patiently allows me to make choices and learn for myself that anxiously awaits my return every time I stray.

"The proper motivation for missionary work of any kind, as for all Church service, is of course love for fellowmen, but always such work has its by-product effect on one's own life. Thus as we become instruments in God's hands in changing the lives of others our own lives cannot help being lifted. One can hardly help another to the top of the hill without climbing there himself." -Spencer W. Kimball

Tender Mercy to Witness a Full Circle

Throughout our lives, we usually only get to see pieces of a puzzle or pages, maybe even chapters, of a novel, but never do we get to see the finished puzzle or the entire book. This is especially true as full-time missionaries. You only serve for a short period of time, and during the course of that time you are constantly moving. You rarely get to witness a person change their life completely, be baptized, and then enter the temple. But once in a while, Heavenly Father gives you a tender mercy and you have the incredible opportunity to see things come full circle. This past weekend was one of those times for me watching my best friend and her husband become members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Saturday morning I watched as people arrived to witness the baptisms of Stephanie and Justin Morse. It was amazing to me to see how many people they have in their lives who love and support them so much. I thought of the few people I know who have played such an integral part in their conversion - the sisters, the elders, Cory, April, and Bob & Janae. I am forever grateful for them for being exactly what Stephanie and Justin needed when they needed it. Ever since Stephanie and I got back in touch Fall 2010, I have wished so badly that we could live in the same place, but it has never worked out, except for a few months when she first contacted me. I feel indebted to those who were able to physically be there when I couldn't. 

I don't know when it really hit me that Stephanie and Justin were getting baptized. I mean being there and witnessing it made it real, but it never seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks. I guess because I have known for a while that this day would come, and because Stephanie was very good at giving me a play by play of the whole process, it just seemed natural, so her baptism was no surprise. Instead, it was an event that took place naturally in her changing life.

The Morse's baptism was the best baptism I have ever witnessed. Stephanie asked me what made it so good. I thought about it, and at first didn't know if it was just me being bias, since she is my best friend who I've known for nine years. As I pondered, I realized it was more than that. Because Stephanie and Justin not only know so much, but understand so much, the talks that were given were more in depth. They were not your stereotypical talks you hear at the baptism of an eight year old or a recent convert who knows very little about the Church. For that reason, they were more enjoyable to listen to as a seasoned member. Also, Justin and Stephanie shared some of their thoughts at two different points in the program, which added to the spirit felt there. I could continue to try to explain why it was such an awesome baptism, but in all honesty, words cannot adequately express what I felt or why I felt that way.

The closing hymn was "I Stand All Amazed." I went to sit by Stephanie, and I whispered in her ear, "I told you so." She just smiled. Things had come full circle. I attempted to sing the hymn, but the words hit me more powerfully than normal. 

     I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine

     To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,

     That he should extend his great love unto such as I,

     Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

Stephanie and Justin may have been the ones who were literally baptized, but as I had witnessed that ordinance, I felt like I had been converted again. Watching them take such a great leap of faith had filled me with renewed hope and faith. The power of the atonement had become real again in my own life. Being a witness in their conversion process has reconverted me in just the way I needed it most. I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who always plans things perfectly. 

That night, Stephanie, Cory, and I talked about things that Stephanie had done or said during this whole process. One of my favorite things Stephanie said, without knowing at the time what she was saying, was after she and Justin had gone to the Brigham City Temple Open House. The sisters had asked them how they felt, and Stephanie had said, home. For us, it's obvious what that meant, though Stephanie didn't realize it at the time. What was obvious to me and Cory a long time ago is now obvious to Stephanie. Now she realizes that the spirit had been leading and guiding her all along. 

Sunday afternoon, Stephanie and Justin were confirmed. To be able to listen to their confirmations was again a special experience for me. Tears of joy rolled down my face. Receiving the Holy Ghost to be our constant companion is the greatest gift our Heavenly Father has given us in this life. I am so excited for Justin and Stephanie to have that same blessing in their lives that I do in mine.

Tuesday morning, Stephanie, Justin, Elder Getts, Elder Hernandez, Cory, April, and I went to the Provo Temple and did baptisms for the dead. It was so amazing to think about how Stephanie and I had been there before, but just outside. Now she can go inside with me. Again, things have come full circle in almost every way. In a year, when Stephanie and Justin receive their endowments and are sealed, the circle will be completely complete.

Again, I am so grateful to have been a small part in Stephanie and Justin's conversion process. I truly feel indebted to them forever because they have helped me in ways that they'll never know. It has been a blessing to watch from the sidelines as Stephanie and Justin become converted and continue to become converted every day. It makes me want to be better. It reassures to me the importance of missionary work. And it reminds me of what matters most in this life.

"For behold, this is my work and my glory-to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." Moses 1:39

Just Shy of 9 Years-A Long Story Made Short

I can't believe I haven't really mentioned one of my best friends, Stephanie Drake Morse, in any of my blogs. Then again, I think I've been subconsciously waiting for this day to come when I could fully disclose everything. And that day has FINALLY arrived! :)

Stephanie and I met almost 9 years ago at West Hills High School where we were in choir together. Sadly, which I'm learning this seems to be the case with most people I now consider to be close friends of mine, I don't remember how exactly we met or got to know each other. I do remember being impressed with Stephanie because of her high standards and thinking that she'd make a great Mormon, though I didn't think she'd ever convert because she was so devoted to her own beliefs.

Spring 2005 (my junior year), we took a trip to Canada with our high school choir. Again, I don't remember details, but I remember staying up late, at least one night, if not every night, talking with Stephanie about religion. I don't remember how we got on the topic, but it seemed that we could talk about what we believed for hours.

Stephanie & I on our last day of our trip-April 2005

I remember wanting to give her a Book of Mormon (maybe I did, maybe I didn't, I don't remember), I remember wanting her to come to church with me (again, maybe I invited her to church or activities, maybe I didn't), and I remember wanting her to be Mormon. But I was convinced she would never read the Book of Mormon or come to church, and I wondered how I could change that. I remember feeling a little bit proud of myself for being able to talk to her about religion, but I remember feeling bummed that I wasn't doing more to get her on the path of conversion.

We lost touch after I graduated from high school summer of 2006. I vividly remember signing each others' yearbooks at the end of that school year thinking, what a bummer that Stephanie wasn't a Mormon, she'd be SO great LDS!

Our next contact was over Facebook (what a great technological invention!) September 2010. It was within days of me returning home from my mission, and having returned home 5 months early I was pretty devastated. I remember I was at my aunt's house, and I'm pretty sure I was waiting for Dallen to get out of the shower or something. Anyway, I got on Facebook and to my surprise had a message from Stephanie Drake. I thought, weird, she probably has no idea I was gone for a year since we haven't talked in FOREVER! She asked if I was going to BYU, and I told her I had gone to BYU-Idaho. She was interested in going to law school at BYU and wanted to know more information. I was so surprised that this missionary opportunity had literally fallen into my lap, and I hadn't had to do anything. I asked if she had ever been there. She said she hadn't. So I offered to take her to Provo.

That November, we drove up to Provo and Salt Lake. I warned Stephanie that I had some friends there that I would want to see while we were there, and she said she didn't mind tagging along to see them. We walked the BYU campus, and we even got to talk to one of the deans (one of my roommates from my first year at BYU-I, Tasha, was going to law school there). 

Steph & I at the Provo Temple-November 2010

We went to see Bob and Janae Pettit, and it seemed that after leaving Stephanie was surprised by how kind and inviting they were. Stephanie also seemed to automatically get along and love all of my friends that she met. While in Utah, Stephanie also went to Temple Square. On our way back to San Diego Stephanie told me how she had fallen in love with Utah, and she felt like she was "supposed to be there." I laughed, and Stephanie said she knew I thought I knew why, and maybe I'd end up saying "I told you so," but Stephanie didn't believe, in that moment anyway, that I would ever say those words.

Basically, Stephanie and I became best friends very quickly. Meanwhile, she started dating this guy named Justin. Then in January 2011 I left to go back to BYU-I. We kept in pretty close contact though.  Bob and Janae ended up moving back to San Diego, and Stephanie became really good friends with them. Stephanie and Justin graduated from UCSD summer of 2011. Stephanie was accepted to go to BYU Law School for fall 2012.

Last summer, Stephanie and Justin got married. Janae and I were 2 out of Stephanie's 5 bridesmaids.

Steph & I-June 2012

Janae, Graham, and Bob partying it up-June 2012

Mr. & Mrs. Morse leaving their reception-June 2012

That day was full of irony to me. Steph and Justin got married in La Jolla, where the temple is. In fact, we drove past the temple on our way from our hotel to where the wedding was held. I also knew someone getting married in the temple that same day. The night before one of my really good friends, Jasmine, had opened her mission call to Oslo, Norway. Stephanie and Jasmine had met at some point and become friends too. Stephanie spent the beginning of the morning of her wedding day looking at pics of Norway and what the weather was like over there. Also, during Steph and Justin's actual wedding ceremony, I felt a confirmation that Steph and Justin would get married in the temple someday. It was so weird because I wished that we were at the temple that day, but I was SO happy for Stephanie and Justin because I knew that they would be married in the temple someday.

Within days of getting married, Stephanie and Justin moved to Provo, Utah. I was super excited for them! I wondered how long it would take for them to ask for missionaries to teach them or for missionaries to find them and invite themselves to teach them. Stephanie was really good about giving me play by plays of their "conversion," though at the time, she wouldn't admit that that is what was happening.

I visited Steph and Justin in August. Steph and I had planned on going to church, for the first time together (she had already been), but due to a series of unfortunate events, it didn't happen. In September, Steph volunteered to drive me to San Diego for my brother's wedding. That same weekend Jasmine was giving her farewell, and Steph and I had thought of going to church together. But again, it didn't work out. Then a few months later I moved back to San Diego. (The irony of where we all lived/live! It's like Stephanie and I couldn't/can't live in the same place!) In December, Steph and Justin came down to San Diego, and we FINALLY all went to church together at Bob and Janae's ward to hear their Christmas program!

Justin, Steph, Me, Janae, Graham, and Bob at Del Cerro Ward-December 2012

When we were all together in December, it was apparent to me that it wouldn't be much longer before Stephanie and Justin got baptized. Then mid-February, I got a text asking how much notice I would need to request a few days off of work. I seriously knew I'd be going to Utah very soon to see my best friend get baptized. And sure enough, a week later, my phone rang; it was Stephanie. I answered knowing exactly why she was calling, to tell me she and Justin were getting baptized and had set a date, March 30.

So for Easter this year, I will be going to Provo to see my best friend and her husband get baptized! :)

There are SO many more details to this story! I am humbled and honored that Heavenly Father let me be an instrument in Stephanie's life. It never ceases to amaze me how well He knows each of us! I know that, if not for any other reason, I concluded my time in Oklahoma City 5 months early, to come home and finish a mission I didn't know I would get the opportunity to finish. Every day I am amazed to think about Stephanie and Justin and how far they've come and their conversion story. I am more amazed at how Stephanie has been just as much of a blessing in my life, if not moreso, than I have been in hers. 9 years ago I never could have imagined the effect that simply being a friend to someone and opening my mouth about what I believe could have. 

"And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father! And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!" -D&C 18:15-16

To read it from Stephanie's perspective: Becoming Converted
To read it from Justin's perspective: Surprised by Faith

Constant Reminders of the Mission

Lately, it seems like there have been a lot of things reminding me of my days as a missionary in Oklahoma. I mean, there isn't a day that passes where I don't think of my mission, but the last few days there have been more things reminding me of the mission...

1. About a week ago, my current mission president's wife, Sister Taylor, posted in our mission group on Facebook. Part of her post read:

We are busy here planning for the 86 new missionaries we will receive in the next four or five months. Our biggest transfer so far is in March--we get about 21 extra missionaries more than the number departing. We are going from 19 to 56 sister missionaries--which we LOVE! The Lord is hastening His work and we really enjoy being a part of it. We hope to have all the new missionaries to move our complement to 216 before we go back to Utah at the end of June.

2. Last Thursday, my first mission president messaged me.

3. Friday night I got to visit an elder and a sister (who I served with on my mission) who were married over a year ago in their new place.

4. Sunday, Sister Taylor again posted in our mission group on Facebook letting us know one of the sister missionaries passed away in an accident.

5. Late last night, I received a message from a former SD missionary, telling me one of the girls in his current YSA ward received her mission to my mission also Spanish speaking, asking if I'd tell her about my mission.

6. Just while I've been writing this post, my trainer posted a pic on Facebook saying it's been 3 years since she came home from her mission.

Why are these reminders so important? Why should I remember my mission daily? To help remind me of the most important responsibility I have, which is to assist Heavenly Father in his work, "...to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39)

I am grateful for the opportunity I had to serve a mission, which changed my life. And I am grateful for a loving Father in Heaven, who loves me enough to remind me of the big picture when I forget and who patiently waits for me to change when I fail to act on what I know.

So Much Depends On You

Yesterday, I got back from St. George earlier than I had expected and was able to make it to the last hour of my ward. Elder Haynie, our area 70, was visiting my ward, and he spoke during our combined Priesthood/Relief Society meeting. He wanted to point out 3 new things that were mentioned in this past general conference:

1. Age change for missionaries

2. The way we teach the youth

3. Do your own temple work

As we spoke of these three things, there was a sense of urgency felt, and Elder Haynie said a lot of powerful things...

Age change for missionaries:

We need to better prepare the youth to serve missions because they will serve at a younger age. We need to be better member missionaries and find more people for the missionaries to teach because the missionary force is going to grow a lot. In the San Diego mission, next week they will go from 184 missionaries to 250. He said that currently we have about 56,000 full-time missionaries, and the Church projects we we will have 90,000-100,000 soon. Our responsibility for missionary work went through the roof with this announcement. YSA wards are the units with the greatest expectancy for converts. We need to be able to put those missionaries to work because they will come prepared to teach and baptize. The Church is going to change in the next 15-20 years. 

The way we teach the youth:

Elder Haynie asked if we had heard about the change in how we teach the youth. Few of the YSAs in the room raised their hands. (I had heard because I had seen it online a while ago, I had been in my home ward at the end of 2012 as they talked about it, and Randal was recently called as YM's president, so I've heard him talk about it.) He told us to go online and check it out. We will be the top teachers for the youth. The demands on both teachers of the youth and the youth just went up.

Do your own temple work:

When doing temple work, we need to do our our family line. Name extraction is becoming harder, and we are taught that we need to do temple work for our kindred dead. One of the sealer from the San Diego temple was present and he said that he strongly believes that converts are blessed to be baptized in this life because they have family members in the spirit world who have accepted the gospel and have been waiting for hundreds of years for someone here to do their work.

Before the meeting concluded, Elder Haynie left time for Q&A. He said we will probably seeing more of this in stake conference and other similar settings. The first presidency asked members of the 70 to come to the next meeting with inspired questions. They were told that inspired questions lead to personal revelation. It was very cool to hear that because I have witnessed that many times, and I know that to be true! The time that sticks out the most is when Elder Bednar came to my mission. The entire time he was there, missionaries asked questions, and he answered. He told us that even if we didn't ask a question, we would receive answers to questions as we listened to the spirit speak to us. 

In Elder Haynie's concluding remarks he said, "So much depends on you. If I were you're stake president, I'd load you up. You have so much capacity to do good."

It was a powerful meeting! Our leaders are depending on us. The future of the Church depends on us. We have to step up to the plate and heed what we've been asked to do. I know our leaders are called of God. I know that with the Lord we have the ability to do the great things expected of us at this time as well as the great things that will be expected of us in the future!

Sold on St. George!

I keep telling myself I'm going to get better at keeping my blog updated, but then by the time I update it again I realize how much time has passed and all of the things I haven't written about.

First of all, Barnes & Noble (B&N) decided to keep me. I found out about a month or so ago. That is a huge tender mercy and blessing! I am so grateful for that! The thing is, it's only part-time, and they continue to cut back hours because we aren't making what we need to be. I still need to find another job because part-time at minimum wage isn't cutting it. Well, if I want to buy a car, move out, go back to school, etc., it won't be enough. 

This past weekend I went up to St. George with Randal, Eden, and Suzanne. We took Eden up because she will be going to hair school at the Paul Mitchell there, and she'll be living with Suzanne's parents, the Cole's. It was fun to get away for a couple of days! I think I was kinda spoiled in Rexburg because I would go to Utah pretty often. Now being in San Diego, without a car, I never go anywhere.

Anyway, it was fun! I've driven through St. George a million times, and I've stayed there quite a few times too, but this time was different, probably because it's Eden's new home. I got to visit friends from the mission and a friend from BYU-I. I just felt like I could totally move there and fall in LOVE with it! Sister Cole pointed out the B&N from her living room window, which is right by where she works at See's. Everything is right there, and it's so pretty! I looked up the population, and it's 74,000, which is about 3 times the size of Rexburg. It seems like everyone I ran into kept telling me why I should move there, and I was sold before anyone even said anything. I told Ede, the only thing that would have made our road trip better is if I was moving with her. Maybe someday, but for now I'm staying in SD.