Mental Health Awareness Month Day 14.
Being assertive allows you to have more power than you thought you had when you were trying/wanting to control everything.
When I was in kindergarten, I remember one of my friends coming up to me while I was on the parallel bars. She asked if she could play with me. I told her no. (I am literally laughing at this story as I think back on it.) I don’t remember why I said no, but I just know I’ve always felt like that was SO mean of me. Those bars weren’t mine. Yet, for whatever reason I acted like I owned them and told that girl no. I am pretty sure it had something to do with control.
As a kid, most people described me as bossy. I did not make friends easily, which makes sense. Because who wants to be friends with someone who is constantly telling you what to do? I couldn’t see it then. I didn’t understand why nobody wanted to hang out with me and be bossed around.
Being bossy was my way of having some kind of control in my life. My home life was chaotic and despite my efforts, I couldn’t control anything. I couldn’t control my safety or my emotional well-being. So I tried to control my peers. But that didn’t really work either. It just ensured I wasn’t liked.
At some point I learned that forcing people to do things isn’t effective for anyone. I tried the other extreme and started people-pleasing. Much of the time, that just ends in resentment with nobody to blame but yourself because you never voiced how you really felt or what you really wanted. And now at 31, I’m trying to break myself of going along with what everyone else wants or thinks. Especially what I think others want or expect me to do.
I’m not saying I’ve never had my own opinions or done what I wanted. I have spent the majority of my life trying to be something I wasn’t because of the way I was conditioned in my youth. People-pleasing doesn’t work either.
It has been my observation that the times when I have told someone yes, I will do that or no, I won’t do that and I actually mean it are the times when I feel most at peace with myself and my life.
Last night I had planned on going to the store with Tasha. But when it got closer to the time we were thinking of leaving, I really didn’t feel up to it. I debated on what to do. I kept thinking I should (there’s that awful word) just go with her. Part of me said, no, you’re allowed to feel and do what you want. I ended up being assertive and telling her I no longer felt up to it. And she was totally okay with that. Even if she hadn’t been okay with it, I am still allowed to assert myself. Because what matters most is how I feel. That is not being selfish; that is self-love.
Being assertive gives you the power you always wanted but never felt you could have. That’s how you take control of your life. #heber #assertyourself #assertive #beassertive #power #thepowerofassertiveness #takecontrolofyourlife #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #mentalhealthinthetimeofcorona #letsbereal #31in31at31 #agamutofgrey #lifeisbeautiful #may2020 5.14.20
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