Mental Health Awareness Month Day 3!
Acceptance of my mental illness is key to getting better and feeling better.
Over 2 years ago, I posted publicly that I have depression. It felt like such a relief to tell people. But I think more so, it helped me to accept myself, mental illness included.
I've had depression since I was a teenager. Early on as an adult, I realized I would probably always have depression. But I hated that. I didn't want to have depression forever. I wanted it to go away. I wanted to be free from mental illness. And
I hated myself for having depression.
I spent years and years trying to hide my depression from the world. I painted on a smile when I wanted to cry. I forced myself to be social and go to events when all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball. I told people I was good when I was not okay. I told them everything was fine when I was thinking about suicide.
I wouldn't say I ever became a master mask wearer. I've never been a good liar or a good faker. The people who know me well can almost always tell when I put on a facade. I was never a fan of pretending to be something I wasn't.
I feel freer. I feel more myself. I feel more genuine. That's not to say I never fake it anymore. There are times when I feel less than great, but I don't want to dwell on feeling crappy so I try to be okay. The difference is I have accepted who I am. And depression is a piece of me. And that is okay.
It was an alright day. But I didn't brush my hair or shower. I'm okay with that. I still journaled and wrote, which makes today a win. And I was enough today despite not feeling my best. #heber #depression#mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthawarenessmonth#mentalhealthinthetimeofcorona #letsbereal #31in31at31 #acceptance#iamenough #iacceptmyself #agamutofgrey #lifeisbeautiful #may20205.3.20
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