People have been asking about why I moved back to San Diego and what I'm going to do, etc. So here's the story...
For the past few months, I had been thinking that something in my life needed to change. I knew the time for change had come, but I wasn't really sure what or when. I just kept moving forward, and I had decided that no matter what I would do, I would stay in Rexburg.
Another semester started. I was released from being Relief Society President, I was working two part-time jobs, and I was going to school part time. I found myself struggling with the situation I was in for seemingly no reason. I had plenty of time, and none of the things I was doing were hard, but I was having a hard time.
One Tuesday, I just broke down, and I thought, something has to change. After a 45 minute conversation with one of my closest friends, I knew what I had to do... leave Rexburg, move back to San Diego, live at home with my parents to help my mom and dad. Honestly, that was the last thing I wanted to do (to move home) and also the last thing I was thinking of doing, though it had been on my mind.
Before I started making this a reality, I needed confirmation that this was what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. I decided to go to the temple after devotional. I didn't even make it to the temple before I received my confirmation. As I sat in the BYU-I Center during devotional, I knew that this decision was right. I cried almost the entire time, as I thought of how this Tuesday would be one of my last Tuesdays sitting at devotional in this amazing building that I had watched be built since the groundbreaking. I honestly don't remember anything the speaker said, but I remember feeling peace in the choice I had made and knowing that it will all work out, though it would be very hard.
After the conclusion of devotional, I headed to the temple. The entire time I was there, my mind was racing thinking of everything I would need to do to prepare to leave Rexburg. Again, I knew I was making the right decision, but it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made.
As soon as I was out of the temple, I called my dad to tell him what I had decided, to withdraw from BYU-I, move home, and find a job. He and I planned that he would pick me up on Friday, October 19. And after I got off the phone with him, I spent most of the evening telling others (my manager at Carriage House, my bishop, my stake president, my brother, and my best friend) about what my plans were.
More tears ensued as the night went on. I had so many mixed feelings... I had grown to love Rexburg so much! It had become home to me. I had become attached not only to that beautiful place, but to all of the amazing and wonderful people that were a part of my life. I loved my ward and my stake so much, though my home ward and stake are awesome too. I love San Diego. In talking to President Baron he said at least I'd be in San Diego for the winter. I was excited for that, though I love the seasons and I have grown accustomed to the cold. I did not want to live with my mom and dad. I didn't want to live with them when I was younger, nor did I want to now. Honestly, I have struggled with school so much for the past 21 months, that it would be a relief to not go to school, but I never wanted to drop out; I wanted to graduate. I have had a hard time finding work in Rexburg, so being in San Diego would make finding a full-time job easier. I was excited at the thought to be able to just work, pay off debt, and finally get on my own feet financially.
Now I'm back at home in La Mesa. I miss Rexburg, BYU-I, and everyone up there SO much! I miss seeing the temple every day and working there twice a month. I miss being surrounded by people who share my beliefs and standards. I miss going to the grocery store and running into people I know. I miss knowing everyone in my ward. I miss living walking distance to all of my friends. I miss the cold.
I love being close to my family-my parents, Corey and Chelsea, my aunt and uncle, my cousin, her husband, and little boys, and the Densley's. I love rekindling friendships and seeing familiar faces. I love California. I love San Diego weather. I love meeting new people and making new friends. I love being in a place where being Mormon is different, and I can share the gospel with those around me.
I kinda feel as though I'm on the mission again, not just because I'm surrounded by people who aren't members, but because I feel like there is a specific reason I'm in San Diego again and it isn't easy being here. I know a lot of it has to do with my parents, but maybe there is more to it than that. I feel like I'm going to have the opportunity to grow a lot, and I'm excited for that. I also feel like I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Before I had a plan, and now I don't. For the time being, I'm not going to go to school. I'm just going to work (once I find a job) and help my family as much as possible. Maybe later on school will be a possibility again. We'll see.
