When I was young girl, I set lots of goals. I had big plans and dreams for my future, specifically my life as an adult. But as I began my senior year of high school, I realized that dreams are far too easily shattered. Life doesn't ever play out the way you wish it would.
When I was 11 or so, I made a list of the things I wanted to accomplish by the time I turned 26. On that list was graduate from college, get married, and have two kids. Well, I am 27 and have yet to do any of those things. Just a silly example of how things haven't turned out how I thought they would.
I hope one day that I'll be able to look back and say that things turned out far better. Although I can't honestly say that yet, this last year hasn't been the worst. It's been better than last year in many ways, but I think the best is yet to come.
Sadly, I haven't been as good about setting goals in my adult years. My reasoning? I feel like every time I set a goal, it's just setting myself up for failure. Ashamedly I admit, I stopped setting goals in the traditional sense years ago because I didn't want to continue a pattern of failure. Although, occasionally I would set some goals, but I was usually super cautious about them and didn't set many.
I don't remember setting goals for 2015. I think I just wanted to survive and not be heartbroken anymore. I knew I would be able to be okay after a broken engagement, but I definitely underestimated how long that would take. I took a lot of steps backward before I could take steps forward again. The part of my heart that broke when I decided I wouldn't get married has finally healed. I am grateful for that tender mercy. I knew it would happen, but it is still a miracle to me. Because calling off a wedding and moving forward is much harder than I imagined it would be.
Also, I jokingly hoped I would be able to live in the same place for the whole year, after countless moves in 2014. And I was super blessed. On January 1, 2015, I moved into a condo in Provo to live with two other girls I didn't know. They ended up being the best roommates I have ever had. A few months into the year, I started to have serious anxiety when I found out that one of them was probably going to move, which meant I would get a new roommate. And what are the odds of having just as good of a roommate if not better? I would say pretty low. Luckily, my roommate stayed, and shortly after, her sister moved in with us, who has been a wonderful addition.
It has been so nice to live in the same place, be in the same ward, and have the same roommates this year. The best part is that I love living in Provo, and I'm grateful that I finally get to be here. And I feel like this year has been preparation for all that is coming in 2016.
Over the last couple of months, I have felt that not much has happened in this past year. Even though a piece of me has been made whole again, I still feel like I have failed in so many ways. But as I've really looked back on this year, I've realized that I have had much success despite my ongoing challenges. And I'm excited for 2016 because "the best is yet to be" ("Grow Old with Me" -John Lennon).
If I could set just one goal for next year, it would be to become more of the person that I want to be. To be... a little less selfish, a little more kind, a little less angry, a little more patient, a little less plugged in, a little more genuine, a little less worried about what others are doing, a little more concerned with what I'm doing, a little less worldly, a little more spiritual, a little less lazy, a little more productive, a little less boring, a little more fun, a little less proud, a little more humble, a little less stuck in the past, a little more focused on the future, a little less bitter, a little more forgiving, a little less hateful, a little more compassionate, a little less like the natural man, and a little more like Him.
How do we become more like Him? By doing His will. As we keep the commandments and keep our covenants, our desires become a little more like His. Through the atonement, we are literally changed. Because through Him, we are constantly bettering ourselves and becoming more of the person that we want to be. We go from obeying out of duty to obeying out of love. We can and will become better and more like Christ if we will follow Him and come unto Him.
Yesterday, I read Al Fox Carraway's book, More Than the Tattooed Mormon, (If you haven't read it, you need to!) in a period of a few hours. (For not being much of a reader, though I'm trying to change that, it was quite an accomplishment.) I can agree with her when she said, "Not once have things gone the way I had in mind, not once." But I look forward to the day when I can say, like Al, "My life is not at all what I planned or expected; it's profoundly better." Because I know that day will come. "The best is yet to be."
