Sometimes you read scriptures and think, that will never be me. How could they have been that proud, evil, etc? And then you learn why you never say never. The day comes where you read those same verses and sadly and humbly think, how did this become me? That's exactly how I felt tonight as I read 2 Nephi 8:25: "Shake thyself from the dust; arise, sit down, O Jerusalem; loose thyself from the bands of thy neck, O captive daughter of Zion." Tonight I realized that I have started to become a "captive daughter of Zion."
Lately I have been feeling that Satan has been winning and I have been losing. What I couldn't really see was that I was letting him win. But I couldn't see that because I was letting him win. It wasn't until I acted, instead of letting Satan act upon me, that I was able to have victory over him and win. It wasn't a complete shut out, but it was improvement compared to losing the last couple of days. It felt good to have success tonight.
Just because I won tonight, doesn't mean the battle is over. It is being fought every minute of every day. We have to make sure we are always actively engaging in the war against Satan because if we don't, we will end up somewhere we don't want to be, before we know it, wondering how we got there.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, "What we insistently desire, over time, is what we will eventually become and what we will receive in eternity... Only by educating and training our desires can they become our allies instead of our enemies!" ("According to the Desire of [Our] Hearts" October 1996 General Conference).
We talked about agency at institute tonight, and I was reminded of how important it is for us to be agents unto ourselves instead of agents to be acted upon. It sounds simple, but we live in a time where it is easy to allow other things or people to act upon us.
"...If you are not proactive in educating your desires, the world will do it for you. Every day the world seeks to influence your desires, enticing you to buy something, click on something, play something, read or watch something. Ultimately, the choice is yours. You have agency. It is the power to not only act on your desires but also to refine, purify, and elevate your desires. Agency is your power to become. Each choice takes you closer to or further from what you are meant to become... Always ask yourself, 'Where will this choice lead?' Develop the ability to see beyond the moment" ("The Choice Generation" by Randall L. Ridd April 2014 General Conference).
We live in a fast-paced world full of distractions and instant gratification, which sometimes makes it difficult to remember how important our every decision is. We must not forget that, "Satan wants to control [our] agency so he can control what [we] become. He knows that one of the best ways to do this is by trapping [us] with addictive behavior" ("The Choice Generation").
We must remember who we are, children of God with agency, which is a divine gift that God has given us. We are responsible for every choice we make, even if we think we are not. We always have a choice. Even when other things or people are acting upon us, we are choosing to permit them to do so. Nobody ever forces us to do anything. We always have a choice.
Before writing this, I glanced over my last post. It is interesting to me that I wrote about agency then, and now, about a month later, I am writing about agency again. Clearly, this has been weighing heavily on my mind, and Heavenly Father is still trying to teach me what I need to learn. And Satan has been hard at work on me. But I won't continue to be a captive daughter. I have been awoken, and I will put on my strength, shake myself from the dust, and arise (2 Nephi 8:24-25).
