"h@w ar% y#u?"

I hate the question, "How are you?" I don't remember a time that I ever liked it. Most of the time, if I'm being honest, I can't honestly answer, "Good". And we know that's the only acceptable answer. Nobody is actually looking to hear the long response that explains why you are anything but good. We ask this to show interest and care, yet much of the time, we don't allow space or time for a real response. Unless someone says, "How are you really?" it seems inappropriate to give more than a one word answer. 

I also hate the variations. "How was your weekend?" "How was your vacation?" "How was your day off?" "How were your holidays?" "How was work?" "How are your kids?" "How's your family?" There are numerous things we tack onto how because this is just what we say in our every day comings and goings with people. Again, the only permissible reply is, "Good." Even, "Fine" puts people into a tailspin. Generally, that's a flat out lie, which makes the listener curious. But trying to dig deeper doesn't seem to go anywhere because if the person felt like they could tell you or wanted to tell you, they wouldn't have said, "Fine."

Why does everything have to be good? Why do people lie and say, I'm fine? 

I used to think that the goal of life was to be happy. Coming out of rock bottom proved to me otherwise. Happiness is not a destination we arrive at and stay. Rather, being happy is a fleeting emotion just like the rest of our emotions. We all long to spend more time in happiness than most of our other feelings, but the reality is we move through happiness just like any other emotion. It doesn't last. 

Yet we focus on happiness more than anything else because it is desirable. It makes sense that we don't entertain sadness, pain, guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, etc. because we don't want any of that in our life. But life is full of the a gamut of emotions and feelings. Living means you are experiencing the full breadth of feelings from grief and loneliness to joy and contentment.

I haven't really figure out what I would rather be asked in place of, "How are you?" or any of the alternatives. I just know that I want to have more meaningful conversations about what we are genuinely feeling and experiencing instead of forcing ourselves to say what has always been said and pretending that we are fine.